Monday, January 3, 2011
The Language of Friendship?
In class today we were talking about parenting styles and how differences in parenting styles affect children. I started thinking about how language affects not just how I view my relationship with my parents, but how language affects all my relationships. With one of my best friends, we usually speak in hyperboles (examples from break include her saying "oh my goodness my soon to be step-dad and his daughter are coming on vacation with us and things are STRESSFUL AND TERRIBLE I AM GOING TO DIE"; and me saying "Half my bumper just fell off in this crash I am never going to be able to drive again"). We both know that she will not be dying and that I will (in 22 days) be able to drive again and our lives will go on, but we always talk that way because we have such an emotional friendship. We've been so close for so long, we're almost family. Everything we've ever gone through we've gone through together so we continue to say what we feel, even if we know its an exaggeration, because we know the other person will understand. With my guy friends however, we are never dramatic. We keep things grounded and real. When we talk, we are straight to the point without beating around the bush, which works for us. Being straightforward and brutally honest won't work for every friendship, but when you find the way that works for you, you keep going with it, just like parenting. If one style of parenting doesn't work for one of your kids, you change it to fit what that child responds to and makes your relationship best. If I were to go up to my guy friends and say "OH MY GOODNESS MY LIFE IS OVER MY PARENTS HATE ME" they would probably freak out and think that my parents hate me and I am going to die. You have to find what language and tactics work in the relationship and know what doesn't.
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Its very interesting Chloe that you say that. I actually do a very similar thing. Do your girl friends and guy friends know that you speak differently when around the other sex? I was once told by one of my girl friends that I was different around my guy friends and she thought it was strange to see that different side of me. I guess I came across like I had been hiding part of me. My tone of voice changes and everything. I barely noticed that I changed at all? Is it good or bad to change? You seem to be saying that it is ok to change what you are like around other people. Like it is just adjusting to your audience. But will others see it as you putting on a front?
ReplyDeleteGood point about feeling like it might be a front. Honestly, I don't quite know. When I'm with my guy friends, its a lot easier for me to just be really honest about whatever i'm thinking and I can be blunt and things are more relaxed but when I'm around my girl friends, I am a little bit spazzier, but I think it's just 2 different sides of me. Since I've always been one of the guys, I feel like most of the girls I hang out with know that I'm a different person around my guy friends because its a different type of relationship. But when I have my best girl friend hang out with my guy friends and me, they do see my spazzier side and I think the first time we all hung out, they were a little thrown off, but I don't think they thought I was hiding part of myself. People have different sides and different people bring out those different sides.
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